I love bacon. I absolutely adore it. Ben Franklin is famously misquoted as saying that beer is proof of a God who wants us to be happy; my feelings are almost as strong towards bacon even with my atheist beliefs. It’s a wündermeat that can act as a focal point (breakfast), condiment (burgers and salads), or even dessert (chocolate with bacon). I can think of few other foods that I could probably eat at each meal for several days running without complaint.
Now that my position is known, CUT IT OUT, EVERYONE. Bacon is awesome, we know this. Just please, for the love of all that is holy, just shut the fuck up about it. And dear God, STOP making new bacon products.
This recent bout of fury was spurred by the recent unveiling of a 23K Gold Chocolate Bacon reported on by Uncrate.com. For $40, you can be the envy of absolutely no one by obtaining and presumably eating a chocolate dipped piece of bacon with edible gold flakes on it. Yes, edible gold flakes. So now you can encompass the stereotypical view of Americans shared by the rest of the world in one big bite of gluttony and financial waste.
After a few years of creations such as (I will link to none of these) bacon flavored vodka, baconnaise, and the “we’ve really gone too far on this one, guys, let’s ratchet it back and pretend we never did this” bacon explosion, I frequently feel pangs of regret when I have bacon in my shopping basket. The internet is awesome. I love it more than I love bacon. When intelligent memes take off, it makes me genuinely happy (see Jim’ll Paint It). But this internet-fed bacon craze is anything but intelligent. It’s an example of taking something good and continuously raising it to the next level, even when it makes no sense to do so. I’ll close by imploring the following: do not buy a friend or family member that bacon product you were considering. The joke was old two years ago, and it’s been getting progressively less funny ever since. Let’s let it die a belated death and then Fluff or Deviled Ham or something can have its moment of internet infamy.
Can Bacon do no wrong, or is it SOOOOOO 2010? Let us know in the comments below!